Transaction-maker information

Transactions contain objective information about the transaction-maker. The information is deduced by observing what the transaction-maker sought to get and what he gave up to get it.

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Breaking stereotypes, part II

People are sometimes frustrated when talking to me about news or politics. They might express passion and emotions about an issue but, even when I fundamentally agree with their position, I tend to try to explain the other side and correct misunderstandings I heard from them. This is either interpreted as me always taking the other side, or as me being overly intellectual and aloof–or even worse, a smug know-it-all.

I believe Western civilization is too accepting of outside influence, and not invested enough in its own cultural continuity. But is my personal habit of empathy and nonjudgmentalism a micro level version of the same pathology? Perhaps I should evaluate which positions would, if given the power of influence, result in negative effects to me directly, and then take up a policy of always degrading those positions and antagonizing the people who support them. (That would at least make me appear as a more normal person, anyway.)

Yet I still have an incentive to respond with nonjudgment and rationality to just about any viewpoint, even (with a few exceptions) ones that in practical terms are calling for my demise: I am following my own advice about negative stereotypes. Essentially, the only way to shatter stereotypes is to do it yourself.

I am keenly aware of the negative stereotypes about my race/ethnicity/class, and I try whenever possible to deviate from the ones I don’t like or that I perceive as a source of problems for my race/ethnicity/class. One of the stereotypes about my ethnicity is that we are scornful and look down on other groups of people, especially one particular group for whom the scorn is not mutual, and so I try not to do that.

This is a kind of public goods problem though. Shattering stereotypes is unnatural for most people (that’s why stereotypes with predictive power persist in the first place), and it requires a critical mass of people doing it before the stereotype is actually changed or erased. (It can be done of course; there are stereotypes that were prevalent many years ago about, say, Irish immigrants or software engineers that are no longer true today.)

What we need is a way to incentivize masses of people to break negative stereotypes about themselves. For example, imagine a widely-circulated virtual tool that first collects basic information about the user and tells him what are the most common negative stereotypes about himself. Then it gives practical advice or options for how to break those stereotypes. Not all users would immediately do it, but the message and available courses of action would become more visible, and could enter the public consciousness as an alternative to the unproductive blaming of “hate” or “intolerance.”

Seven ways to help ease up on phone use

  1. Buy an alarm clock. This way you can stop bringing your phone to bed. Also consider hanging clocks on your walls and/or wearing a watch so you don’t need to pull out your phone to see the time.
  2. Put your phone in a basket by the door when you come home. This will keep you from always having your device at the ready whenever your mind wanders an inch. Keep chargers in that basket too, so you can stay disciplined about keeping your phone by the door even when the battery’s low.
  3. Read more paper books. When you get an urge to read or look something up, you don’t need to turn to a device. Reading from paper media is also better for getting to sleep and for rebuilding your attention span.
  4. Turn off notifications on your phone. Most things your phone interrupts your life to tell you about aren’t important. Exceptions might be notifications about scheduled meetings and work emails—but there are other ways to be reminded of those too.
  5. Delete social media apps from your phone. Erecting barriers—such as having to open a browser, type in a web address, and log in—will make you more judicious about when and how often you use social media. And remember to log out when you’re done.
  6. Delete your social media accounts. Think hard about what kind of value you’re really getting from social media. Does it actually make you happy? Does it actually keep you informed or in the loop better than emailing or calling the people you care about? Is being in the loop actually important? There are a lot of good reasons to get off social media for good, but the simplest one is that it just isn’t necessary or valuable.
  7. Get a flip phone. Your smart phone can do a lot of amazing things, none of which you really need. Those few things you might need can all be done in other ways. A flip phone doesn’t require data, so you can pay a lot less for cellular service. Flip phones also have a much longer battery life, and most of them these days still have cameras and Bluetooth connectivity.

Forgiveness

How do you forgive people who won’t admit or aren’t aware that they’ve done anything wrong, or who give resentful and false apologies? How do you forgive people who do not grasp the extent of the damage they caused or the risk they created?

These are the things I’ve learned but not yet mastered:

Wait. Time helps.

Mental discipline helps too: you must train yourself to react constructively to your own injured and vengeful thoughts, which will intrude continually on your mind. Put these thoughts to rest firmly but patiently and without anger, the way a busy parent says no to a clever child. Your higher-functioning mind must act as the parent to the clever child of your lower impulses, and busy itself with the task of healing.

Focus on the positive unanticipated outcomes of what happened. With some gentle self-persuasion, you may even come to interpret what happened as a gift. See Genesis 44-45.

If no satisfying wisdom can be found in Genesis 44-45, read Job 38-42 and understand that God does not owe you an explanation (or anything else).